Dear Erik: I recently fell in love and got engaged. My fiancé and I are both in our early seventies. Quite a few of my friends (not my close friends but others) responded to the news with: how cute! Somehow the fact that we have fallen in love and plan to get married is ‘cute’.
I find this infantilizing, as if we were little children playing dress-up. I realize that people are happy for us and that the marriage of two people over 70 is unexpected and pleasantly sensational. But cute? Would anyone call an impending marriage of two 35-year-olds cute? Am I oversensitive when it comes to ageism? And can you think of a response?
– Involved at any age
Dear Fiancee: Congratulations. I don’t think you’re necessarily overly sensitive. But I think people tend to lump a lot of love relationships together. It can be shorthand for something unexpected but beautiful. I’ve heard people use it to talk about teenage crushes, coworkers, seniors, and long-lost friends. That said, thinking it’s unexpected to find love over 70 is age-related.
Bottom line: If you don’t like it, that’s all that matters.
Try to think of another descriptor. Something that matches how you feel. ‘Oh, we don’t think it’s cute. We think so (fill in the blank).” It can be ‘passionate’, ‘romantic’, ‘just in time’ or whatever you want. You get to define your relationship.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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