Dear Erik: I eat at a local restaurant a few times a week and usually have one of three meals. This one waitress asks me what I want to eat but then interrupts me to guess or tell me my choice. I just put my head down and nod yes or no to the guesses. It’s frustrating, but not life-threatening.
She enjoys it. I hate it.
However, if I were to say something, it would force her to make the choice to be herself, do something she likes, or appease me so I can order the way I want to order. I don’t know if this is a big enough problem to take a ‘big road’. The answer won’t change my life. She can easily change, and I can easily suffer. The question is: who can be themselves?
– To pronounce
Best to Speak Out: I have worked in the service industry for over ten years. I loved it. I enjoyed seeing regulars, meeting new people and having many drinks in my hands at the same time. The whole piece. I also liked knowing what people wanted, but I always asked and confirmed. That’s part of the job. She may think you’re a regular who likes to be known this way. So telling her that isn’t the case won’t stop her from being herself. It will help her do her job better.
You may not have the kind of temperament that adjusts easily or comfortably in social situations. That’s fine. But know that you won’t cause her suffering by saying something like, “I’ve already decided what I’m going to eat.” Let’s skip the guessing today and I’ll just tell you.” This also paves the way for the two of you to talk about something else, if you wish. Ideally, it will be a conversation that you will both enjoy.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him further Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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