Protecting your energy and cultivating a strong inner circle is all about healthy boundaries. What kind of respect are you willing to demand? What type of energy or language do you not tolerate? This all starts with recognizing patterns of bad or narcissistic behavior, and then reaffirming your expectations.
Fortunately, there are several ways to spot fake people in your life, who tend to be selfish, insecure and sometimes narcissistic, according to a study from Personality and individual differences. By using phrases that put fake people in their place, you can reinforce important boundaries, boost your self-esteem, and protect yourself from their negative energy.
Here are 11 sentences that put fake people in their place
1. ‘Can you repeat that?’
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Operational from a place of inherent uncertaintyFake people will often not respond or repeat something they know is incredibly hurtful or resentful when there is a crowd. They are more concerned about external validation and asserting their superiority by pushing others to defend their position based on a toxic comment.
Ask them to repeat these comments, even if it is just passive condescension. Not only are you taking away their misguided power over a conversation that is meant to be balanced and productive, you are also reminding them of your humanity and your ability to stand up for yourself.
2. “Did you mean to sound condescending?”
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A proven way to protect yourself from fake people and put them in their place is to remind them of the respect you expect from every conversation. Fake people will benefit from the people around themeven with something as simple as a self-serving, hurtful comment that they know won’t get called out.
Don’t be the person who buys into these comments and their negative energy and pushes your own emotions aside for the sake of “keeping the peace.” Instead, reemphasize your boundaries, give them a chance to apologize or rephrase their comment, and demand the respect you deserve.
3. “You seem upset about something”
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According to trauma coach Manya WakefieldFake people, especially those with narcissistic tendencies, tend to deflect blame and victimize themselves when “challenged” for hurtful comments and behavior. Instead of falling into their trap of defensivenessConsider getting this out of the way first in conversations by addressing their hostility with a simple phrase like, “You seem upset about something.”
Is there actually anything they are angry about or are they spewing negative energy from a toxic, selfish or evil place? Remind them that you have the ability to notice their negative energy and behavior, speak it out, and humanize yourself in the face of their fakeness.
4. ‘Don’t talk to me like that’
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Create space and embrace loneliness as peace can be incredibly useful practices for people navigating toxic relationships with fake people. Like many other expressions that put fake people in their place, they tend to rely on confrontation or direct communication to “provoke” negative comments and behavior, but this can be more passive.
You can take up space, walk away, and refuse to interact with someone if they focus negatively on you. We believe that false people and false relationships can leave intense scars on our hearts and our peace motivational speaker and author Liane Holliday Willeyso don’t let their guilt about removing yourself keep you from carving out that intentional space just for yourself.
5. “Can we find common ground without the insults?”
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While it may seem impossible to some, especially those currently in a toxic relationship or friendship, you have the control to create the reality you dream of. If your friends disappoint you, your partner relies on hurtful comments to assert their dominance, or you constantly encounter fake people in your life, you have the power to find peace again.
It starts with self-esteem and self-confidence. Adopt practices that ensure your self-identity, emotional health, and well-being so you can approach these damaging conversations with strong expectations about the behaviors you will tolerate.
Everyone longs for it find shared experiences and interests with each other, so finding common ground can be helpful. But don’t forget to also take those boundaries and expectations into account, and never sacrifice respect for the sake of a misplaced connection.
6. ‘No’
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Especially for fake friends and relationships who tend to take advantage of your kindness or empathy, consider this using this simple statement to set a boundary. You will not tolerate disrespect, you will not be used, and you will not continue to celebrate a fake person’s negative energy and mood swings. Remember: “no” is a complete sentence.
According to psychologist Dr. Sabrina RomanoffIt’s important to use these types of boundaries with fake people, especially if your relationship with them started out seemingly healthy and happy. As their behavior becomes more toxic and our lives are negatively affected by their actions, reminding them (and yourself) of what you will tolerate can protect you from an unpleasant and resentful experience.
7. ‘A true friend wouldn’t say something hurtful like that’
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While setting boundaries and “protecting your peace” seem like grandiose practices that take a lot of thought, energy, and time to implement in your relationships, the truth is that you can stop toxic behavior from fake friends and partners right now. Don’t be afraid to call them both out on their behavior and refuse an apology for a hurtful public insult.
According to clinical psychologist and author Alice Boyes Ph.D.Living your life with self-compassion and empathy can go a long way, especially when it comes to protecting your emotional health in the midst of relationship problems and conflict. Instead of catering to the demands and needs of others, work on achieving a level of self-confidence that motivates you to set your boundaries better.
8. ‘This Is How I Feel’
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Some people prefer a clean cut with a toxic friendby taking space to heal from them and protect their energy without the distraction or temptation of conflict. However, if you’re just beginning to recognize some of the toxic traits of a potentially fake person, especially one you’ve already built a relationship with, consider sharing your emotions at that moment.
It can help you express your emotions by making hurtful behavior or comments, rather than rejecting or pushing them away. Continuing to shift the blame may not help them and may result in some defensiveness, but at the very least you were able to communicate how you were feeling and get it out.
Like suggests life coach Laura K. ConnellToxic people can push us to shut down and protect ourselves from open and honest communication – don’t let that energy affect you.
9. ‘This doesn’t feel productive to me right now’
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Many fake people will cause conflict and disagreement only to become a victim later. If you feel like your kindness is being taken advantage of or you’re constantly fighting with a fake person in your life, take a step back. Distance yourself from the situation, remind them that you are only interested in productive and honest conversations, and let them calm themselves down on their own terms.
If you are confident, self-assured and have high standards for yourself and your relationships, fake people have nothing to hold on to. Let them figure out how to assert their misguided superiority in another way.
10. ‘You bring out the worst version of me’
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Sometimes honesty is the best policy, even in a relationship you know is on the brink of ruin. Friends should always bring out the best in you, at least on a daily basis. If you feel endlessly resentful, defensive, and insecure with someone, the problem is probably not yoursbut the unhealthy dynamic you both contributed to in the relationship.
If your friends are looking for an explanation for why you need space—something you’re not obligated to give, but that can help set an expectation—use a phrase like, “You’re bringing out the worst version of me.” ‘ Not only does it help you clear up misunderstandings in your relationship, with the ability to start over and mediate conflicts, it also sets the tone for a divorce.
Take care of yourself first, and if that means ending a friendship or relationship in the name of healing, then so be it.
11. ‘That was rude’
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While it is possible that a person’s negative energy has become second nature to him or her, and he or she is truly unaware that it is hurting others, many fake people feel better when they put other people down. It is a conscious choice they make in every conversation.
By calling them out on their behavior and re-establishing a boundary of respect, you can break that habit – whether intentional or not – and remind them that you demand a certain kind of behavior in your relationships. Like life coach Patricia Bonnard explainsProtecting yourself from negative energy not only affects your self-esteem and relationships, but also your physical and mental health.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango, focusing on health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.
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