What many of us are looking forward to Thanksgiving of family and friendsit can be a notoriously tense time of year. Even in the quietest years, political disagreements can cause discomfort or fuel conflict. This is not one of the quietest times.
Regardless of their feelings about the outcome of the presidential electionsmany Wisconsin residents are understandably worried about their upcoming meetings.
We don’t blame them. While the political division that have enveloped the country over the past decade have been widely dissected in news stories and think pieces, an under-explored aspect of this current phenomenon is its impact on interpersonal relationships.
Kristin Brey: Election anxiety is plaguing Americans. Especially in the swing state of Wisconsin.
But the consequences have been enormous. A pre-election survey A release last month by LifeStance Health found that nearly half (44%) of Americans say political or election-related discussions have led to conflict in their personal lives, and nearly one in five has ended a friendship over political views .
Politics causes family tensions for about a third of Americans
The tension in America questionnaire A publication last month by the American Psychological Association found that about one in three adults said the current political climate has created tension between themselves and their family members. 30% say they limit their time with family because they don’t share the same values.
A heartbreaking story in the August New Yorker detailed the increase in ‘no contact’ with family, sometimes even for political reasons. In the wake of the election, social media has been flooded with stories of individuals cutting off family members who voted differently than them. Many of them are heartbreaking to read.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Like many other institutions and civic organizations, UW-Madison’s La Follette School of Public Affairs has recently made significant efforts to promote civic dialogue to help strengthen democracy, rebuild trust, and renew civic relationships in our communities. This week we collaborated with the Wisconsin Alliance for Civil Trust (WisAct) to host an event on the UW-Madison campus to promote civil debate, help people navigate difficult conversations during the holidays, and share how toxic polarization has affected their own relationships with loved ones .
UW-Madison students and staff will participate Tuesday, Nov. 19, in an on-campus event hosted in partnership with the Wisconsin Alliance for Civic Trust (WisAct) to promote civil discourse, help people navigate difficult conversations during the holiday, and share how toxic polarization has affected their own relationships with loved ones.
We did this over a Thanksgiving meal to simulate the environment many of us will soon find ourselves in. Using materials from fantastic community organizations such as Urban rural action And Braver angelswe practiced the difficult work of having hard conversations with respect and empathy.
Although our training covered nonpolitical but controversial topics—such as debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie, or whether pineapple belongs on pizza—the skills we practiced were largely the same ones we can use during our actual Thanksgiving gatherings.
Follow the ABCs of constructive dialogue during Thanksgiving dinner
Here are three tips from Urban Rural Action that we used at our event that can help you have less polarizing, more connecting conversations this Thanksgiving:
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Ask to understand their perspective. Open questions give a better idea of where someone comes from. They also demonstrate a curiosity that makes people feel heard and acknowledged.
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bResearch your own opinions so they understand your reasoning. Make sure you frame it as an additional view and not as opposed to theirs.
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cEnhance your understanding of their perspective by reflecting it back to them in a non-judgmental way
Following these ABCs can help you shift from a competitive mindset to a collaborative mindset during conversations. Through conversations focused on collaboration and understanding, we can connect with each other in a meaningful and productive way.
Civic skills are just like any other skill. You have to practice. Starting with local issues – where political divisions are much less pronounced – can help. You can also use simple prompts such as “What does the American dream mean to you?” or “What should we do to help Americans feel more connected to each other?” to get a conversation going.
Main Street Agenda reveals the hunger across Wisconsin for dialogue
Our Thanksgiving event follows a similar, much larger effort by La Follette to promote civil dialogue. The Main Street Agenda this fall, it brought together nearly 350 people with diverse perspectives in Pewaukee, Green Bay, Eau Claire and Madison for dinner conversations aimed at promoting and practicing civil discourse and respect for differences. The project was part of a partnership with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
Using many of the same strategies as Urban Rural Action, our trained facilitators led participants through semi-structured conversations that promoted candor, respect and community. Feedback from the events was overwhelmingly positive, with more than 90% of participants saying they were extremely satisfied or satisfied. One Green Bay attendee noted in their post-event survey that they “appreciated the free exchange of ideas, without the animosity found in today’s politics.”
Mara Mamerow from Milwaukee summarized it nicely in an interview after the Pewaukee dinner when she said, “It’s not always about arguing, it’s not always about proving that you’re the smartest person or that you have the best ideas, but that we can have different ideas and coexist. “
It may be tempting to dismiss Mara’s sentiment, which succinctly reflects the ideals behind these types of efforts, as overly optimistic. However, recently research from Marquette University’s Civic Dialogues Program suggests that interventions such as La Follette’s dinner conversations, which were based in part on the work that took place at Marquette, can reduce negative feelings toward individuals with opposing views and increase confidence in dealing with disagreements.
The findings are consistent with other research on how dialogue between parties And deliberation can help reduce partisan divisions and hostility. La Follette researchers will also analyze data from the Main Street Agenda events to measure their effectiveness.
Removing political polarization, one conversation at a time
Most of us assume that hearing opposing opinions will make us sad or angry. Yet research has shown that we often do that wrong about what being involved with differences actually feels like. We are also often wrong about what the other side is thinks. Both Democrats and Republicans underestimate the diversity of opinions within the other party and overestimate the extremity of others’ positions.
We understand that there are many strong feelings surrounding the outcome of this election, and we sympathize with people across the country who feel deeply hurt by their loved ones at the ballot box making a decision they strongly disagree with.
President Biden said it well in his speech recognizing President-elect Trump’s victory and ensuring a peaceful transition of power: “You cannot love your neighbor unless you agree with them. Something I hope we can do, regardless of who you voted for, is see each other not as adversaries, but as compatriots, and lower the temperature.”
Regardless of your feelings about President Biden, we’d like to think this is something we can all get behind.
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Civil debate can indeed be good for us. At a time when Americans’ friendship circles are shrink and a worrying number of us are reporting expenses more time aloneOur ongoing research shows that civil dialogue can help us feel more connected to each other.
We sincerely hope that this Thanksgiving can serve as an opportunity to lower the national temperature, listen to each other with an open mind, find common ground, and connect with loved ones through difficult but stimulating conversations.
Tensions are understandably high, but our work leads us to believe it’s not just a Thanksgiving meal people are hungry for right now. We too long for connection. Let’s enjoy both this Thanksgiving.
Amber Wihowsky is an associate professor in the La Follette School of Public Affairs and holds the Leadership Wisconsin Endowed Chair for the Division of Extension at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Her research examines how diverse communities navigate controversial and complex public issues and the contexts that shape civic engagement. Allison Keeley is pursuing a master’s degree in international public affairs at La Follette School. She is also a state coordinator at the Wisconsin Alliance for Civil Trust.
This article originally appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: People are hungry for civil dialogue, even if they don’t agree with it | Opinion
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