Dear Annie: My best friend’s ex-wife and I found each other after decades and fell in love. The whole situation is very complicated. She left their marriage over 30 years ago and recently divorced another man – the one she left my boyfriend for. She left my boyfriend bitter and broken and he never truly forgave her. I can’t blame him.
But she recently contacted me, and I’m very fond of her. I’ve asked him repeatedly if my connection upsets him. He says he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t want to know any details. Well I mentioned her the other day and he blew up and said I betrayed him and how could I do that? He is angry, hurt and refuses to talk to me. He is my best friend for life! What can I do? — Stuck between love and friendship
Best Fixed: The truth is, you knew your boyfriend’s emotions were at risk when you started dating the woman who broke his heart. Not sure why you brought her up after he asked you to keep the relationship to yourself, but here we are.
Your relationship with his ex is clearly painful for him, so I would respect his space while he takes time to cool down. I would then reach out to express how much you value his friendship and want to keep it in your life.
I can only assume that you see a serious future with this woman, otherwise you wouldn’t have taken this path. So talk to her about possible boundaries you can set to help your friend feel more comfortable about your relationship.
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“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit Creators publish for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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