Lewes, Delaware
CNN
—
Cello music filled a sanctuary here Wednesday evening as the audience held blue or pink carnations in honor of Transgender Day of Remembrance.
A slideshow showed photos of trans daughters, brothers, colleagues and friends, forever frozen in confident, happy, candid moments.
As each name was read aloud, a gradual dawn came over the room: many of those commemorated were women of color. One was only 14. They had all been murdered in the past year due to anti-trans violence.
According to the Trans Murder Monitoring Project, 350 transgender people have been murdered worldwide in the past year. The Campaign for human rights found that at least 36 transgender people have been murdered in the US in a similar time frame. But the real toll, experts say, is much higher because Trans deaths are often underreported.
Soren Ruppelius, a volunteer with the Delaware nonprofit Sussex Pride who helped organize the vigil, said Transgender Day of Remembrance, which is always a solemn event, feels especially heavy this year.
“No matter how dark things get, you are never alone. We have always looked out for each other and we always will,” he said.
“You are here because you care, and because you want to create a better future for all of us – a future where vigils like these are not necessary, because every trans person can live the full and happy life he or she deserves. ”
A candle was lit in honor of everyone. One by one the flames were extinguished.
Donald Trump’s election victory has ushered in a period of uncertainty and fear for many transgender Americans. Here in Delaware, trans residents and their allies told CNN their emotions have wavered in recent weeks since the election.
Many are proud to have been elected Sarah McBridethe nation’s first known transgender lawmaker to serve in Congress. But that joy was overshadowed by fear and anxiety during Trump’s return to the White House in January.
This was the case after Trump’s presidential campaign dominated by anti-trans rhetoricMany Delawareans told CNN they now fear that the series of Republican-backed policies targeting transgender people in states across the country could soon become the law of the land.
Perhaps a harbinger of things to come for McBride — and the trans community across the country — Republican Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina introduced a resolution Monday to ban transgender women of using women’s restrooms in the U.S. Capitol — a proposal aimed solely at the congresswoman-elect, weeks before she was officially sworn in.
“I’m not here to argue about bathrooms,” McBride said in a statement Wednesday social media. “This attempt to distract from the real issues facing this country has not distracted me in recent days as I have remained hard at work preparing to represent the largest state in the union in January. ”
But McBride is stepping into the spotlight – and into history – at a crucial time for the country’s trans community. For years, Republicans have used transgender rights as a driving force behind the culture war.
On the campaign trail, Trump promised to get so-called “transgender madness out of our schools.”
“President Trump campaigned on common-sense policies: ending discussions about gender and sex in classrooms, reorienting public education to focus on reading, writing and math, and ending taxpayer-funded transgender surgeries for inmates in federal prisons,” Karoline Leavitt, a spokeswoman for the Trump-Vance transition, said in a statement to CNN.
Next month, the Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on whether state bans on gender-affirming care for minors are constitutional.
The weight of it all was palpable throughout the shelter on Wednesday, when a trans youth activist from the organization Bulletproof Pride addressed the crowd.
“As we gather here today, I know the air is heavy,” said Vienna Cavazos. “Not just because of why we are gathered here, but because of the reality we face outside those doors.”
“Just two weeks ago, the trans liberation movement took a step forward and a nosedive back.”
Although she lives in Delaware, a state that is relatively progressive when it comes to ensuring transgender rights, Andrea didn’t sleep much on election night.
As the results came in and the Electoral College favored former President Donald Trump, Andrea told CNN that her family text messages became increasingly frantic and she was consumed with fear for her daughter.
Andrea asked CNN to use only her first name due to concerns about her family’s safety.
“Not only do I have a transgender child, not only do I know many parents with transgender children, but I am also Jewish and we know that anti-Semitism was on the rise,” she said. “It felt like a punch.”
A week after Election Day, the Delaware Sexuality and Gender Collective held a virtual call for the state’s trans residents and their families to process the election and wonder what comes next.
Julissa Coriano and her son, Noah Duckett — both clinical social workers who specialize in counseling the trans community and those navigating their sexuality — co-founded the organization to help people with resources and support during their transition.
After the election, Coriano said that even as they celebrate McBride’s victory, she and her son are preparing to comfort a vulnerable community for years to come as they grapple with the realities of a second Trump administration.
“It is painful to know that your existence is a topic of discussion,” Coriano told CNN. “I have so much faith in the universe and humanity, and it’s kind of let me down.”
During the call, Coriano encouraged participants to openly share how they felt. There was a silence and then a flood of questions:
Will my child lose access to gender-affirming care? Will officially changing my name or gender marker now put me on some sort of list? Can I send medication to my child if he or she lives in another state?
The answers to those questions are unclear at this point, but Coriano and Duckett tried to allay the palpable fear by assuring everyone that — at least in Delaware — there are resources and lawmakers committed to protecting the trans community.
Mike Brickner, executive director of ACLU of Delaware, made no bones about the new reality, but vowed that his organization would continue to fight for trans rights.
But a single question goes to the heart of the community’s fears: Should we even gather publicly to celebrate Transgender Day of Remembrance this year? The silence returned.
Duckett later told CNN that the fear expressed on the call reflected what he had heard from many of his clients in the days after the election.
“A lot of people feel a little paralyzed,” he said. “And as a therapist, I also feel a bit paralyzed because I’m not sure how to deal with this in my own life. And you never want to lead anyone astray.”
Andrea, who was also on the phone, later told CNN that the call had fueled her fears. She said that up until that point, she had been “following the stages of grief backwards,” starting with a reluctant acceptance of Trump’s victory.
But in the days since, she has worked her way back into denial. Andrea said she has tried to take some comfort in knowing that both she and the country have faced transgender discrimination before and are now on the other side.
“We went through my daughter’s transition before there was any kind of affirmative policy in place in Delaware or nationally,” she said.
She added that many of the endocrinologists she consulted about her daughter’s care dismissed her family at the time, saying, “we were crazy.”
Now – despite Trump’s re-election and the specter of conservative attacks on the trans community – Andrea says she is choosing to focus on McBride’s victory and the sheer number of people pausing to celebrate Transgender Day of Remembrance.
“By letting Sarah win, trans kids are saying, ‘I don’t have to hide all my life. “I can really do anything,” she said.
“At the same time, I have never seen as many Trans Remembrance Day activities in Delaware as this year,” she said. “We shouldn’t forget the fight they had and the struggles they had.”
As the vigil concluded Wednesday evening, Cavazos acknowledged that the fear, anger and anxiety gripping the state’s transgender community has not yet fully worn off.
“But where it was, it has been replaced by determination,” they said. “On November 5, we made history by electing Sarah McBride. We have sent a message to the next government: we are not going anywhere and we are not retreating.”
The sanctuary filled with applause.
“As transgender people, the most powerful thing we can do right now is survive,” Cavazos said. “While the present feels bleak, I truly believe that if we fight for it, the future, even though it feels far away, can be bright.”
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